I seem to be capable of running...

Last night at the gym, I did something I didn't realize I could do. I did an hour of cardio straight. I walked for 5 minutes, then ran for 3 - wash, rinse, repeat. I didn't think I'd be able to run for 3 minutes, but I did it! 7 times! *I will now wait for you to cheer, dance, and generally just shake your groove thing for me for a minute*

Thanks. You can stop cheering now.

I realized yesterday - with the help of wise words from Emily including "are you done feeling sorry for yourself now?" - that yesterday's blog post might have been a bit melodramatic. (Who am I kidding? I was going for a whining Academy Award, apparently.) I CAN DO THIS.

I've actually sort of prided myself on the fact that I'm being such a realist when it comes to this whole half marathon thing. I'm very aware that I won't be running the entire 13.1 miles. I get that. I'm not trying to tell myself I'm some super athlete that can go from not running (period) to being a half marathoner. But I AM an athlete. I've always been an athlete and I CAN eventually be one hell of a half marathoner. (Off topic...is 'marathoner' even a word? Get back to me on that one, will ya?)

My friend Stacye made me tear up a little bit this morning because it's like she always knows what to say. She put up the same picture I posted on yesterdays blog - this one and included this on my Facebook page:

Right now it's hurting, it's taking time (it won't be overnight), you are dedicated, WE will be your will power when you need help, you will see the sacrifices you've made, maybe not today, or tomorrow, but you will! You are pushing your body to a breaking point, but it's WORTH IT. Because soon you'll look back and today's breaking point is tomorrows starting point. You've got this because YOU ARE WORTH IT! Love you!

 Things like this make my day. I love you, Stacks!

Defeated.

I'm feeling so defeated. I can't get past the feeling that I'm not eating well enough (I know I'm not...) or working out enough and I'll never be able to do a half marathon.

I haven't officially signed up for the 1/2 in January - and now I'm scared to put my money towards it. I'm not trained. I'm not in good enough shape. I'm going to look like a fool.

But I want this feeling:

I want to feel awesome once I'm done and be able to say I've done it. I want to be able to be proud of something that I've told myself I'll do. Maybe I should push this off until 2013.

I don't know what to do, but I'm just feeling really defeated right now.

Halloween is quickly approaching!

And I'm still not under 200 lbs. I'm sitting pretty at 202. WTF, Body!? I can't say it's my body's fault, actually. Brian and I have been terrible with our diet in the last week or so. I blame the McRib - he heard it's back and we've had McD's 3 times. I also blame McD's because two of those three times, I tried to order a grilled chicken sandwich. Once they were out of chicken breasts, the other time, I waited 17 (yes, SEVENTEEN) minutes for my grilled chicken sandwich, then they said I still had to wait 3 more minutes b/c they hadn't started cooking it yet. Brian was done. Stupid McDonalds.

I think I'm also thinking that I'm somehow sabotaging myself. Its as if I'm telling myself "hey, its not a big deal if you eat that cookie, you worked out yesterday!" a lot. Way too often. And beer - I need to not drink beer, or plan for it or something.

I love beer. Why can't beer be healthy?!

Not enough of a "runner" apparently...

So a few people have told me to go into running stores and talk to the people who work there and see about group runs, etc.

Close to my house, there's a store dedicated to runners called "Stinky Feet." I was really excited to go in and talk to runners who know what they're talking about and see if they could give me some info on group runs, etc. It wasn't exactly a welcoming environment. In fact, I got the feeling they didn't understand why I would be in there.

I walked in and went to the desk, explained to a very nice redhead and a gorgeous brunette that I was just starting to run and I'd been told by a few people that I should check and see if they have any running groups. The brunette said "Yeah, we go 4.5 miles every Tuesday night - you'd have to train a lot to run with us" Gee, thanks, yo. How did she know I can't run 4.5 miles? Maybe I'm a ninja under all of this fat.

I admitted that 4.5 miles was a bit much for me to run right now and asked if either of them knew of more "beginner" types of running groups. Brunette said "We cater to more serious runners so not really..." thankfully the redhead spoke up and mentioned that she knows of a group than runs in Clinton (too far) but at least she was helpful.

I left that store feeling defeated and like I wasn't good enough to be a runner. And it's not like anyone took the time to ask me about my goals or anything - I was the only customer. I could have very easily bought a pair of shoes or some other equipment while I was there. But I didn't. I didn't feel like I was good enough to be in there.

This is the exact opposite from what I've experienced from runners online. The runners I've spoken to online are full of enthusiasm, encouragement and knowledge of running and what it takes to be a runner. I wish I had a running buddy in the area. I can't wait to take my business somewhere other than Stinky Feet and then walk my skinny butt in there one day and show them I AM a runner.

Bumps in the road (or my calf...whatever)

I don't think I've ever been able to do anything worth doing without hitting a few snags; honestly though, who has? I hit one of those snags this week.

Thursday morning, I was motivated (by a swift smack on the back from my husband and my alarm) to get my run on at 5:45. I stretched a little bit before I got on the road, but it wasn't anything major (side note: I never stretch before a night run, no idea why, but I don't. I realize that's bad). Anyway, I did a little stretching and then I was on my way.

I had my Tony Mann Radio playing as I walked out the door and did my typical 5 minute warm up walk, then went on with my 1 minute run/1.5 minue walk training. I was about half a mile from my house when I felt my right calf getting a bit tight. I was in the middle of a run section, so I figured I'd just stretch for minute and a half instead of walking once the run was over.

Didn't work out that way. In mid stride, it felt like someone stabbed a knife in my calf and it stopped me in my tracks.

Now, I've pulled muscles before - so I knew that was what this was. Just a calf strain, no big deal. Painful, yes. Keep me off a feet a bit? Definitely. But damn, this one was ROUGH. I've had a huge knot in my calf muscle since that day and I've been limping. It's just now starting to feel better.

Great timing, eh? Just as I feel like I'm getting into my "stride" - ha, get it? - I get hurt. Rawr. I'm hoping to be back to 100% by Wednesday so I can get my run on again.

In other news, I love morning running (sans injury) it was so quiet and peaceful and I got to watch the sun come up. Plus, I got in the shower before Brian, so that's pretty awesome. I'm going to continue to try to force myself out of bed at about 5:45 and see what happens. So yay!

I've also started getting compliments from friends/family that I finally "look" like I'm losing weight! I can't even explain how great it makes me feel that people are finally able to notice. I'm feeling great - I can't wait until it's really obvious in pictures.

Is it narcissistic that I'm wanting to wait until about mid November before we get pictures taken for Christmas cards so I can be as skinny as possible? Yeah, oh well. I don't care lol.

Wedding festivities involve a lot of food...

Saturday night was my friend Leah's bachelorette party at my house. We had LOTS of food - and none of it was healthy. There was supposed to be a veggie plate and I was planning to huddle around it, but it apparently was forgotten, so I did my best to consume the apples and protein (okay, so they were meatballs and pigs in a blanket...but my options were limited) and did my best to steer clear of the cake balls and penis shaped sugar cookies that I baked...but yeah, it was inevitable that I was going to overindulge a bit.

And boy did I overindulge! Just not really with food. Alcohol has a bunch o' calories - and unfortunately, it can also make you puke...which I guess is good for the calorie intake? Maybe? Probably not.

On the bright side, I'm down to 202.8 - just 2.9 lbs to lose if I want to make my under 200 lbs by Halloween goal! I CAN DO IT! I woke my husband up this morning telling him the good news - he didn't seem excited about it, but I don't think I'm overly excited to be woken up either. Clothes I haven't worn in a long time are fitting and it's SUCH a good feeling!

Tuesday night I ran for the first time in about 5 days - yikes. It was rough! I need to come up with a schedule, but my life is never scheduled, so how do I make sure I get home and have time to run!?

I can't believe it's going to happen...

In exactly 3 months and 1 day, I will be running a half marathon. Okay, I guess I should say "running." Last night, I spoke with some friends of mine who run and we decided that a good strategy for me would be to do something similar to what I've been doing with my couch to 5k program...walk 5 minutes, then alternate doing 1 minute running with 1(.5?) minute(s) walking 8 times and then repeat. Over and over and over. Any other runners out there want to weigh in on this strategy?

As for other goals outside of this whole running thing, I'm still in my 204 lb rut. I haven't really moved from 204 in about two weeks and it's starting to bum me out, however, I do feel like I LOOK better. Check out the pics!

I went shopping this weekend and tried on about 12 size 16 dresses...none of them fit me right - YAY! However, many of the size 14 didn't quite fit right either. I don't enjoy being in between sizes, so I guess this means I just need to buck up and lose those last 4 lbs! I'm going to be under 200 by Halloween if it kills me!

"From that day on I was going somewhere...I was running" - Forrest Gump

Forrest Gump wasn't always a runner - that guy used to have braces on his legs. His momma called them "his magic shoes." One day, a miracle happened under some old oak trees in Greenbow, Alabama: Forrest Gump learned to run.

Okay, so we all know Forrest Gump wasn't real - but there's something about that whole "miraculous running" thing that I'm going to say I sort of relate to right now. This week, I found out that I actually kind of enjoy running. SHOCKING.

It happened when the music gods got together and said "let's make this girl have fun." I'm walking around my block and I hear the first few measures of "PYT" from the one and only King of Pop, Michael Jackson. Well, that most definitely got me going. Something about it just made me want to run! The full version of PYT is pretty long, so I didn't run the whole time, but I'll say I did run a good bit.

Next "I was made for lovin you" by KISS came on. Holy crap, you guys. I had a boyfriend back in the day who LOVED Kiss...this made me laugh uncontrollably for a bit and really made me want to run more.

Next? "Dirty Pop" from my high school sweethearts, 'NSync. It was like someone out there was thinking about me and wanted me to have a freaking blast while I was running.

I'm a night runner right now. I can't decide if that's a good thing or not. I've been coming home, eating dinner, doing a few things around the house and then going out to run, walk and jog. Basically, I've been walking to warm up, then I'll start running until I can't run anymore and then I'll walk again. Eventually the "running" turns in to more of a jog. After about 30 minutes to an hour, I'll come inside, shower and crawl into bed.

It's kind of creepy being out there so late at night though. Brian doesn't see an issue with me running in our neighborhood, but I definitely get creeped out when I see someone outside of their house or in a slow moving car. I've flirted with the idea of running in the mornings, but honestly, it's just so damn hard to get out of bed. I've never been a morning person - I can't imagine that now is the time to start. Or is it?

Workout and running people...do you prefer to work out in the morning or night? Is there a reason one is better than the other?

I'm pretty terrified of this half marathon in January. I'm not kidding myself into thinking that I'll be running the whole thing. I'm actually rather sure I won't be running much of it at all. I'm scared of how much and how far 13.1 miles actually is. I'm scared I'll be the last one to cross the finish line (if I cross it at all) and I'm scared that I'll be the fat girl and everyone will be like "um...what's she doing here??" If anyone moos at me I might have to cutabitch. Just sayin'.

I'm thinking about signing up for a 5K that normally happens in October...that way I'll actually have one event under my belt, even if I can't run it completely. We shall see!

RUN, BRITTANY, RUN!!!!