One of my favorite and most hilarious friends is Mel (if you're wondering why I say she's hilarious, just check out that blog - but I suggest you pee first).
Last weekend, I'm laying in bed and my phone goes off - I have a little notification that Mel mentioned me in a Facebook status. At first, as I always do when I realize Mel has mentioned me in a public forum, I freaked out for a minute - Mel is known for surprising/embarrassing her friends with little or no motivation to do so. This is why we love Mel (perhaps we're sadists). Obviously, even in my sleep stupor, my next move is to see just what kind of damage control I'll need to come up with after Mel has talked about me in her Facebook status.
this post on her blog.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but Mel? She's an evil genius.
Mel had sent me something awful as a "congratulations!" gift because I ran that half marathon but there was no way of knowing when it was coming, what kind of package to be looking for, and of course, I had no clue what it was. I was at the mercy of the United Parcel Service and my witty friend, Mel.
Of course, when someone tells you they've purchased you a gift, you get excited - anxious even! However, something about the fact that the gift giver told me it was awful just made it all the more enticing.
Lots of different "awful" gifts ran through my head for days - yes, days. I won't share them here, because honestly, I didn't even come close to figuring out how amazingly awful this surprise would be. After 6 days of coming home and searching hopelessly for a package of awful from New Jersey, I rounded the corner of my street, and I saw it. A huge box at my doorstep.
I was overjoyed! My awful present from the great state of New Jersey had finally arrived!...In Hanukkah Paper! Mazel Tov! But what could it be?
It was definitely a big something, whatever it was. And it even came with a card that had a picture of KY on it! Mel is a very lubey friend. She understands that when it comes to giving awful presents, it's important to lube your recipient up a bit first with a sweet card.
This beast of a gift was my problem now. Wonderful! But what the hell is it!?
The "awful" gift was all that I was expecting - and so much more. I present to you, my congratulations gift from my friend Mel for my very first half marathon:
Yes, that's right. A 24"x36" framed masterpiece in all of it's unicorn and rainbow-y splendor. In a glittery frame.
I've heard lots of things about New Jersey. For example: It's full of loud "Guido" type folks who go to the gym too much, tan too much and do far too much laundry; There are many cranberry bogs; it is the ugly step-child of New York, etc. However, I never knew that the garage sales in New Jersey are the Mecca for finding glittery famed mythological creatures! SCORE ONE FOR JERSEY!
My husband was thrilled to wake up from his nap and find this above our TV. I'm trying to find "Lucille" (that's what I named the unicorn) a permanent place in our house, unfortunately, she doesn't match the decor in the living room.
I fear that Lucille might be too magical for my teeny house in Mississippi. Perhaps her powers lie in her travels. If that's the case, who am I to stop Lucille from spreading her majesty throughout the globe? Lucille would, of course, have to be sent at the right time, to the right person and under the right circumstances - and ALWAYS insured.
Will Lucille travel again? That's yet to be known. However - my love for my friend Mel and the wisdom and awful gifts she gives to her favorite people is clear for all of the world to see. That bitch Mel sent me something awful, and I love it.